Day 28 - A WHOLE MONTH?!?!?

ok so I've been on this stupid diet for a month and have still only lost 5 pounds? UGHH.

I weighed myself today. 240. This is 5 pounds less than when I started. so yay. But still....

It's been so hard. Fourth of July, then going home to NJ and then moving, having a depressing situation go down, and then having a photoshoot and not eating all day and blowing it on a big mac meal with a side of a cinnamon sugar auntie ann's pretzle. Ugh what is wrong with me. suckity suck suck.

I ate a salad for lunch and was good- and then I ate about 12 mini kit kat bars. a point a piece, mind you. WHY?? becuase they were sitting on my coworker's desk (who sits next to me) and I would grab one (or 3) every time she got up. It's a sickness I tell you- A SICKNESS.

Ok. I gotta get better. and the best way for me to do that is to get back to the gym. i just HATE going alone. I hate it. I have no motivation. I get home and I want to crash cuz I'm so tired from work. yuck.

In other news - work out wise- I've decided with my mother to learn the Thriller dance. There's this lady on youtube that is teaching it in sections and really breaking it down and I have half the dance down already. LOL It's so funny- but omg so much fun. If anyone wants the link- leave a comment. But it's been great. People always play it at parties and my goal is to WOW everyone. Didn't think it would be a huge workout- but it is. and SO fun.

Also- I've been doing crunches and my roommate has been teaching me some belly dancing! ha!

Trying to work out as much as possible!

Water is hard to drink but still doable for now.

Off to finish work and hit the gym (blech)

promise to post more often!

Day 11- Oh no not the donuts!!!

I woke up this morning in a tired haze after a late night of karaoke with the new roomie. I walk into the living room and see........... and empty dunkin donuts bag! AHHHHHHH!! It all started coming back to me. I know I hadn't had much to eat that day and used some points on um.... pepsi.... and i remember being ravishing hungry on the way home. It all started to come back to me. I remember thinking that I dind't have anything in my fridge because Im moving in 2 days except for pepperoni. Knowing that pepperoni is high in points, I remember "logically" thinking that stopping at dunkin donuts for 2 donuts would be a better choice.

Low moment in my life. For real. I remember even that they were stale so I heated them in the microwave for 20 seconds. I was so hungry that I stooped to eating stale donuts. AND PAYING FOR THEM. shame.

I blame my slip ups on the upcoming move. I actually love having fresh fruit and making my own lunches and dinners but I did not want to shop for food and have to move food. So I'm hoping next week goes better. the move is this weekend and I'm ready for a new start!

Day 10 - 2nd week is TOUGH

I already used my flex points. Mostly because I had a stupid hoagie. I wanted to celebrate my new apartment and ended up wasting a ton of points! sad. I could have had a slice of my favorite cheesecake for less points then that damn hoagie.

Also- I hate not being able to celebrate. I want to lose weight, but a celebratory glass of wine or birthday cake for a friend's birthday or going out for dinner... ugh! I feel like i'm missing out. But it's so true that nothing I've eaten will taste as good as being skinny feels.

And I want to be skinny so bad. I walk around with the confidence of a supermodel. Most of the time I think I'm pretty sexy - but when i was picking up (girlish products cuz i ran out) at the grocery store this morning - I caught a glimpse of myself in a small mirror so I only saw my torso and one arm, but I didn't recognize myself! I was like: who is that chunky girl- and it was me. Confidence zapper. :(

And I don't think I'm wrong in thinking i look sometimes. I think I've got a pretty face, and kickin curves- they just need to be smaller. I know that when I lose weight I could easily be a knock-out. I just hate the fact that you only live once and I don't want to live my whole life on a diet. I want to be able to celebrate.

I know WW is the best option for me because it allows me to eat what I want, in small quantities - but i CRAVE things i can't have anymore. Like yesterday- I got a salad from the salad bar and there was tuna salad. And I just HAD to have some. I don't even LIKE tuna fish! but I ate it and was in heaven. But it cost me 7 points!!! ugh. totally not worth it.

I think my problem is that I'm moving and I don't want to go grocery shopping. But I want to have this good food and the WW bagels and the frozen foods but moving all that is just UGH. I just have to hold out just a few more days and I'll be ok! Sigh. I can't wait to move and start over with fresh groceries.

Day 8 - snackage

So I've been going through stress like nobodies business. Fo Realz. I was so stressed dealing with my TV- that I wanted to grab the box of cheese-it's off my coworker's desk, unhinge my jaw and swallow it whole... box and all. Instead, in my rage, I grabbed a 100 calorie snack pack of cheese its. And basically inhaled them, but at least I stopped there. 2 points. Thankyouverymuch!

I also was semi-bad and had a chocolate bar today for lunch. I'm sorry but a girl has GOT to have her chocolate! A whole hershey's bar is 5 points... and so is just 15 peanut M&Ms. umm... give me that bar thanks! Yum yum! I ate it with my 1point popcorn. There is NOTHING better in this world than chocolate and popcorn. wow. So it's not good for me, but it was totally worth it. Plus I'm going to be moving all weekend which means I most likily won't be eating cuz I'll be busy busy and lots of activity points for moving! :) So totally worth it for me.

I weighed myself today on my crappy scale again. According to the crapper scale- I lost 5 pounds total! woohoo! I can't wait to get a better scale.... but i don't want to buy it just to have to move it again is 5 days.... holy crap 5 days!! I can't wait to move. A new life, a new apartment, a new body- yes PLEASE!! :)

Day 4,5,6 & 7 - Weekends suck

Weekends are going to be harder than I thought. I have to change my weigh in date to like wednesday because if I weigh myself every monday, this is going to be rough. Granted I had a rough weekend. A friend was upset and when she's upset- she cooks. So going over for dinner was rough. And i binged a little on sat with french fries because I was STARVING and a sandwhich from wawa on sunday cuz I was packing. So I didn't go WAY overboard- but I wasn't exactly good.

I've realized that it's hard to eat good when I'm depressed. Usually I'm ok, or I get angry and I want to eat well to fuel my anger or my joy at becoming thin again.... but.... when I'm hurt and depressed... THAT'S where it gets me. I can be good at work, I can be good at home, but when I'm crying... I give up and don't care what I eat. I just want to be full and feel comfort. Not good. Especially since my stress level with moving and with my job and with guys is THROUGH the roof. I'm trying my best to be good.... but it is HARD.

So a new week. I have to take my tv (that broke ughhhhhhhh) back to microcenter tonight, so I'm going to hopefully swing by bed bath and beyond and get a bangin scale. Or.... maybe I'll wait til I move (in only 6 daysssssssss yay!) because I really don't want to shuffle things around.... ok- maybe I'll wait. But my stupid tv! ugh!

Anyways.... genuardi's for lunch. Gonna get a salad. Then I'm meeting my WW buddy for a 2 point grande MLF (mocha light frap) from Starbucks, then figuring out my dumb tv.

A new week, new points.

Day 3 - Overactive Bladder

Ugh. So with my new WW challenge, I have decided to drink at least 8 cups of water a day. It's kinda easy because we have bottles of water at work- so I just try and drink 4 of them in a day.....

yeah......

Sounds easy.

I counted how many times I went to the bathroom yesterday.... 16. NO JOKE!!

I went to go see the hangover last night. It's a 2 hour movie. I stopped off at Sarah's apartment to help her pick out something to wear for her interview and went 2 times in the 45 mins I was there.... got to the movie theater *JUST* in time. Went again. Went FOUR TIMES DURING the movie and once after. Got home and went again before bed. In 4 hours I went 9 times.

I went 6 times at work and one time between work and sarah's.

Ummmmmm.... I swear to the high heaven that the people behind me in the movies were like...... is that an 80 yr old in the sweatshirt?

You remember those commercials......?? "Gotta go gotta go gotta go right now........" That was me.

I know it will all even out, once my body gets used to being hydrated but it's a rough time to start considering I'm training and I have to always be like: I'm so sorrry... hold that thought... brb!!

There's a bunch of ladies between the age of 46-56 in my department and so after my 3rd bathroom trip yesterday I made an announcement. "Ladies!! I'm doing Weight Watchers. And I'm trying to drink at least 8 cups of water.... so I'm SORRY, I'm not trying to waste time- I just really have to go!"

They all laughed and told me stories about their diets, and they're all trying to help out. At least they are understanding. Still sucks. I literally make it back to my desk and I get the twinge and it starts all over.

In other news.... i should really get some action points... but for now I'm LOVING popcorn. And chicken breasts that are skinless and boneless and are boiled.... 3 points!!! I dipped carrots and cucumbers and chicken in light ranch for lunch. Awesome

Went to chilis and had a 7 point guiltless meal. I never inhaled broccoli so fast. yum. and I used to hate brocolli.

welp, that's all for now. Tomorrow should be interesting! Drinkity drink drinks tomorrow night! Wish me luck.

Day 2 - ummmm what?!?

So today is my day 2. I didn't weigh myself yesterday but just signed up and put in what I thought was my weight. This morning I figured I would weigh myself so that I would know the exact poundage I was working with... expecting it to be a few pounds more or less then what I entered into the WW website yesterday. The last time I was weighed was at the doctors like 6-8 months ago. well..... um..... The stupid scale says that I'm over 20 pounds more than what I THOUGHT I was!!!!! ah!! Right nowwww? I am 12.5% of a WHOLE TON. (that's 2000 lbs. I'm 12.5% of 2000 lbs.)

Ummmmm WHAT?!?!

I didn't get discouraged. I just went to go put my pants on.... and is it weird that they felt a little looser? No discouragement here - I'm just glad I signed up when I did. And I'm gonna drop those pounds and drop them hard.

I talked to a friend of mine last night on facebook. We got to know each other more on facebook then we ever did in college and I gotta tell you- I wish we HAD gotten to know each other - we were both cracking up so much last night. And we were describing why we hate being fat as well as our secret food addictions. And I seriously want to lose enough weight in order to turn heads when I walk into bars.

With my cousins...I used to be this brunette bombshell surrounded by gorgeous blondes. The gorgeous blondes are still there.... except I'm just the chunky brunette cousin instead of the skinny hot dark colored cousin. That sucksssss. Well it's time to change that.

I've always had confidence and I've always been srong and independent, so I'm not going crazy on the weight loss due to massive lack of self-confidence. I just want to be healthier and thinner and feel better. My curves? they had BETTER stay in place. Same curves, only slightly smaller please!

I went shopping last night and got lots of low point snacks and veges and yogurt. I'm on my way!!!

I hope my friend joins WW too so that we can B and moan about it but still keep each other accountable.

I love WW because it feels liek a game. how much food can I eat and stay within my points? Etc etc. It's a game I intend to win! (*cheeeeeeesy*)